In Camp John Hay in Baguio where I recently went to, there is a cemetery unlike any other cemeteries in the world. It is called the cemetery of negativism.
History dates it back to the early 1980s when base commander John Hightower asked camp employees to think of the negative thoughts and attitudes that inhibit them from being productive and efficient at work then to symbolically bury them all there (http://www.cjhhotels.com/dev_facilities_landmark.htm)
Today being the end of the year 2007, I decided that it is just fitting to write about my own negative thoughts and attitudes and bury them as I say hello to a better, if not the best me for the Year 2008.
It’s funny that if I am to bury my negativisms, I should have to at least own a whole mountain and that’s saying just how many negative thoughts, feelings and attitudes I need to bury!
My pride comes first. I have such tons of pride. It is very hard for me to accept defeat, to admit that I am wrong and to say sorry. Confident about myself and aware of my place in the world (being a perennial achiever & a success in everything I do), I sometimes think too highly of myself and look down on others I perceive as weak, incompetent, unintelligent or not belonging to my cliché.
I am aware of my being a perfectionist and an obsessive-compulsive and no matter how I try to curb them so I won’t come out as very choosy and critical of others, they manage to surface at times. I get frustrated because people aren’t as meticulous as I am or as detailed. I get irritated that they allow themselves to be sloppy with what they do. At work, I have to be on top of things and do most jobs myself because I am afraid that the outcome won’t be the best if I myself won’t do it.
Another negative attribute of mine is my being stubborn. My mom even jokes that it is not just stubbornness but obstinacy. I have such a strong, very spirited personality. I do things my way and answer only to myself.
Too much, as is too little of something, is always bad. I am too independent. I am also too wary of people. It takes a lot and a long time before I accept and trust someone and this trust may not even be given completely. In the “less” department, I am less showy of my affections.
Moodiness also spells me. I have even been told to have alarming mood swings. One moment I am carefree and fun to be with the next I am withdrawn and quiet, keeping to myself. I am extremely sensitive too and impatient as well as impulsive.
My wit can be acerbic, my weapon when I am being candid and frank. My mind is sometimes too fast for others to catch up to but my tongue can even be quicker that it spews smart-ass replies even before I have totally analyzed my thoughts.
I can go on naming my other negative attributes and there are still many. I don’t deny them because they make part of the person that I am. It is my negative attributes that teach me that acceptance of them does not mean that I just let them be in me. Rather, it is that I be aware, as awareness is the first key to understanding them. Then I work on overcoming those negativisms to make myself a better person.
As the world ushers in a new year, I, like everybody else hope for the best. I know I have a lot to work on but I know that I am a creation under construction, constantly changing. For the better, that is.
