Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Save me I’m hanging...

Most people would say “Catch me I’m falling” but I’m not most people so I said, “Save me I’m hanging...”

I was eight. Being the hyperactive child that I was, some of my time was spent scaling trees and picking fruits or just sitting in my favorite branch, reading a book as I relished the feel of the breeze on my face. One day, I slipped and found myself hanging on a branch, clinging on to it for dear life. The minutes I spent there seemed like years. The pain was excruciating. The longer I held on, the heavier I seemed to be and the more difficult and painful it became. I did try to pull myself up but I could not. And that’s when I thought of letting go...


Off I fell. And oh, what freedom I felt as I hit the ground. It was painful, yes, but it was a wonderful feeling - to fall, to allow myself to let go of the branch and be spared from the pain of holding on unto something that was obviously futile.

Twelve years later, I fell in love. The song “Fallin” kept playing inside my head.

Help me I’m fallin’
Fallin’ fast again
Why do I always take a fall
When I fall in love

But catch me he did not. I did try to hold on to the love I had. I thought it would be enough. That I’d be content. I was wrong of course for love is a two-way traffic thing...

And unrequited love is rapture and agony in one overwhelming package.

It was when the pain became unbearable that I remembered the time I was hanging by that tree.

It’s just that I recall
Back when I was small
Someone promised that they’d catch me
And then they let me fall

The pain was incomparable for then, it was only physical pain. Love’s sting was more vicious. It gnawed at the very void in me – wanting to be filled but remained empty.

I had to escape. No savior would deliver me from the predicament that I was in. I only had myself. Just myself.

And so I saved my hurting self...

By letting go.

4 comments:

Faith said...

Sister of the Sun,

Sometimes letting go is the best way to heal ourselves, eh?

Thank you for visiting my blog... I love your words in this particular entry. I, too, could very much relate to it.

Love heals all wounds.

And it is time for our healing.

Bright blessings to you always!

Running Waters

milai said...

Welcome to my page, Running Waters.

Thank you for the wonderful comment. I agree with your thoughts about letting go and healing.

Thank you too for the blessings. :)

Bright blessings to you too.

mariposa said...

Wow, that's a really great post - and it's so true.

milai said...

@ mariposa
thanks. indeed.

for it is better to let go than hold on unto something that is obviously futile.