Friday, February 29, 2008

Big Girls Do Cry

... I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry... 

So goes the chorus of Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. But she's wrong. Big girls do cry. Harder. And for deeper and more painful reasons.

Little girls cry over petty and childish quarrels with playmates. Over not having a new toy or scraping their knees with their being hyperactive. Little girls cry when they are having tantrums... Over simple and sometimes fussy and nonsense things but even if they cry easily, they also get pacified quickly. Candies and sweets can bring back the smiles. A hug from loved ones while they are whispering soothing words can stop the tears from streaming over little girls' faces...

But gone were those little girl days...

"It's time to be a big girl now," a line from that song says. And oh how hard it is to be a big girl. And when trying and difficult times come, no matter how much big girls try to quell the tears, to be strong and show to the world how independent and self-sustained they are, there will be some times when the tears will come. And come will they - with these big girls' crying ranging from sniffles to wracking sobs and wails...

Big girls do cry. Over failures. Over lost loves. Big girls cry because they have been hurt or betrayed by people they care about. Tears flow because of losing or missing a loved one, of feelings of loneliness and bitterness. Big girls cry over sad and painful memories, over things that even time sometimes has difficulty healing. They cry because of frustration or rage, even because of poignant songs, stories or movies that strike a chord in their hearts. Big girls may even cry when overwhelmed with happiness.

Crying is not a sign of weakness, of being childish or of being a girl, woman or lady. It does not connote femininity. Life is not entirely a bed of roses, the weather not always sunny...

So go on, let the tears flow freely. Cry until you've exhausted all the pent-up longings, the unspoken fears, the loneliness and pain that are bottled up inside. Afterwards, smile and say, "My moment with sadness is over. I may not be totally all right yet but my path to healing has started."

reprinted from my Friendster blog dated June 22, 2007

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Random Thoughts - # 2

The most painful experiences come not from sufferings and hardships but from our stubborn resistance to them and our insistence to be always in control of all things and people in our lives...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Cosmic Catastrophe

What Gods don't notice, they can't squash. And so for the longest time I have kept my feelings for you a secret... And then somehow you found out and it went downhill from there.

The Gods, catching a whiff of what used to be the silent cries of my heart, then started conniving to make the situation as amusing to them as it was downright uncomfortable for me. Our paths kept on crossing and there was no way of evading you.

Now I am feeling vulnerable and helpless, feelings that I want to feel the least. Knowing that you know makes things worse.

Confident, sophisticated and emotionally independent me feeling mollified, uncertain and vulnerable?! This is cosmic catastrophe!

The Gods must be laughing!

Monday, February 25, 2008

For "Moyito"

never in my wildest dreams
have i imagined
that i will find
an "unusual" angel...
a fallen one maybe
but an angel nonetheless
with cute little horns,
a tiny red tail,
a naughty smile,
and an infectious laughter...
with all the common "evilness"
we share
i have found
one hell of an "angel"
who redefines the word
and makes me want
to spend time in "hell."

Betrayal of Love

A girl stood in front of the mirror
And smiled bitterly as she saw her reflection
There would be no one for her
No love, understanding or affection.

Betrayal hurt so much
And she felt dejected
She even blamed herself
For being utterly stupid.

She should have known better
Than to trust him with all her heart
She shouldn't have listened to all his words
From the very start.

Tears came streaming down her face
As self-pity and blame engulfed her
There was just too much pain and bitterness
That she could no longer bear.

The sound of the gun echoed
There came a sudden stillness
And the girl no longer felt the searing pain
For there came what she finally thought was peace.

written when I was 13. I have actually already forgotten all about this but I found this tucked inside one notebook while I was rummaging through my "memento box."

Sunday, February 24, 2008


Detachment is not to deny but to give life. Not to disintegrate with others but to be one with one's self and be a part of the different wholes we belong to. Not to refuse love but to love truly and fully...

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Why I Hate Fairy Tales

Unlike little girls my age, I never liked reading fairy tales. I hated reading about princesses or ladies in distress waiting for their prince charmings or knights in shining armor to save them from evil stepmothers, witches, beasts and whatever peril that would befall them.

Girls or women are not helpless. Some may like being saved or love the feeling of security that a man's protection brings but some women are capable of looking after themselves, even of protecting the ones they love.

That is why among all Walt Disney cartoons, my favorite is Mulan. Mulan is not your typical heroine. She was too headstrong and spirited. Hers was not the typical heroine beauty either - all dainty and delicate, as hers is a beauty that mirrors her strength of character while remaining charmingly feminine. Mulan did not need a prince to protect her or save her. In an era when women were undervalued, she proved herself and showed to the world that a woman is more than just an adornment or a vehicle for child-bearing.

Call me a feminist harridan, I really do not care. I'm strong-willed, independent and a woman empowered. I have my monsters and demons to slay but I don't need a prince or a knight to vanquish them.

Happy endings don't require princes or knights. They are what we make them.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Of Love and Differences

Why, in an amusing twist of fate, would the worlds of two very different people who wanted different things collide? And more amusing and baffling, why would these two very different people fall in love with each other?

Love, as the trite cliche goes, conquers everything. But what if love is not enough to bridge those all-too-blatant and all-too-many differences?

"Compromise," said he. And so that's what we have done for months. Alas, even when we had already done our best to reach out and meet each other halfway and had even, at times, bent ourselves out of shape just to make allowances for and accommodate each other, I realized that we, indeed, are too different and things just won't work out the way we wanted them to no matter how hard we tried or how fervently we hoped.

I'm not a quitter. I've never been. But I know when something is hopeless and that's when I stop. After everything that's been said and done, after we've exhausted all options and given our best and our all and they're still not enough, I guess it's high time that we face the fact that some things are not just meant to be. The same goes for some people.

I know that you're still trying. And I'm sorry if I have given up on you on this. But believe me, this is for the best...

taken from my Yahoo 360 blog, dated July 1, 2006. There is just the validation now that what I did was really for the best so I am posting this again.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Random Thoughts - # 1

How come you can always make me smile even at the lowliest point of my life?

Monday, February 4, 2008

Because of You

I had met a lot of uncaring hearts
Been through so much pain
You could have been one of those cold people
But thank heavens because you were not.

I had known it is sometimes not easy to be around me
Especially when I was having one of my mood swings
You could have just walked out on me just like anyone else
But you never did.

I had made a lot of promises and broken some of them
I had done many mistakes, even kept doing some repeatedly
You could have just given up and lost your faith in me
But you kept on believing.

I had hurt you and let you down many times
You could have just left but you didn't
You said you couldn't because I was and will always be your friend
And so you stayed and made the difference among them all.

When others had turned their backs on me
You had been there to give me the will to carry on
When others had found me too difficult
You had been there to understand and love me more.

You have been touching my life in ways that only you can
And you helped me bring out the best that I am
What I am now is because of you
You who always unfailingly gave me your best and your all.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Whoa, I am now in Yahoo Answer's Leaderboard!

kahlan nynaeve, at level 5, with 236 best answers in the philippines category

Barely seven (7) months in Yahoo Answers and around five (5) months in Yahoo Answers Philippines (YAP) and now I have earned a slot in YAP's leaderboard...

...what can I say? I am so damned pleased. :)

Thanks to my "cousins" and to "agua y luna."