... I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
So goes the chorus of Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. But she's wrong. Big girls do cry. Harder. And for deeper and more painful reasons.
Little girls cry over petty and childish quarrels with playmates. Over not having a new toy or scraping their knees with their being hyperactive. Little girls cry when they are having tantrums... Over simple and sometimes fussy and nonsense things but even if they cry easily, they also get pacified quickly. Candies and sweets can bring back the smiles. A hug from loved ones while they are whispering soothing words can stop the tears from streaming over little girls' faces...
But gone were those little girl days...
"It's time to be a big girl now," a line from that song says. And oh how hard it is to be a big girl. And when trying and difficult times come, no matter how much big girls try to quell the tears, to be strong and show to the world how independent and self-sustained they are, there will be some times when the tears will come. And come will they - with these big girls' crying ranging from sniffles to wracking sobs and wails...
Big girls do cry. Over failures. Over lost loves. Big girls cry because they have been hurt or betrayed by people they care about. Tears flow because of losing or missing a loved one, of feelings of loneliness and bitterness. Big girls cry over sad and painful memories, over things that even time sometimes has difficulty healing. They cry because of frustration or rage, even because of poignant songs, stories or movies that strike a chord in their hearts. Big girls may even cry when overwhelmed with happiness.
Crying is not a sign of weakness, of being childish or of being a girl, woman or lady. It does not connote femininity. Life is not entirely a bed of roses, the weather not always sunny...
So go on, let the tears flow freely. Cry until you've exhausted all the pent-up longings, the unspoken fears, the loneliness and pain that are bottled up inside. Afterwards, smile and say, "My moment with sadness is over. I may not be totally all right yet but my path to healing has started."
reprinted from my Friendster blog dated June 22, 2007