To the Bootlicker

Yes, you're on top. You may be deserving but then, how does it feel to be there while others have been relegated to just being your stepping stone, used as a means to your lofty but pathetic end?

I wish you the best despite what you did and still are doing, you know, but I refuse to turn into a shark just because people like you are. But I do believe in karma. What goes around does come around. So remember this and remember this well: It gets lonely at the top. You know why? Because there is no way but down.

And when you fall, remember me. Remember the times when backstabbing was your way of watching my back. When you deemed taking credit for my accomplishments was your due just because you think you're the boss.

Remember too all those that you have been a fair weather friend to. Remember turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to their cries because you were more concerned about getting to the top than being a friend.

Remember us because we will not be there when you fall. We will not be there to gloat. We will not be there to pity you. But we will not be there to cushion your fall either. And that, my dear, will make it the harder to bear.

Because then you'll realize that getting back up after a fall is much easier when you have friends who support and encourage you.

Truly, having it all means nothing when you have no friends to share it with.

i'm with you

if you don't know

what's real anymore,

if fear has taken over,

just remember

the time

when i was

in the same

predicament

and all it took

was for me

to know

that you're with me

to allay my fears.

photo credit

==========

for you. i hate to see you in pain and if i can only bear your struggles for you, i will. gladly.

When I Leave

One of the best gifts God gave me is you
And I am really grateful to Him for that
The times I have spent with you
Are the best of times and even if
I want those times to last forever,
We have always known that the time will come
When we have to part ways…
That time is now and even if it pains me to leave,
We both know that I have to
Life is a cycle of hello and goodbyes
I say goodbye but know that my leaving
Does not mean that I care for you no more
Or I love you less…
When I leave, be sad not but smile
Bask in the wonderful truth that though
The season of our being together has passed,
Our friendship continues because our friendship
Knows no season, only eternity…
I will surely miss you but wherever I go,
Whenever and whatever,
I know exactly where to look for you
To find you, I only have to look inside my heart
And I will see you
Prominently cherished in there
And just a heartbeat away…
As long as we let each other live in our hearts,
That is where each one stays –
Always,
Even forever.

photo credit

Our Friendship

Hand in hand, we walked along the winding path of life

The sky was azure in color, the sun was shining brightly down on us

The path was strewn with flowers, the grass a vivid green

Butterflies fluttered, birds sang

Our hearts were filled with smiles and joy

A twist here, a bend there

On and on we went until the scene shifted

The sky became dark, there came a flash of lightning

And a clap of thunder

As the rain started pelting down on us

Outright scared was I

But you held my hand tighter, conveying your message

Of quiet strength and timely comfort

And kindling in me unfailing hope and the faith

In myself, in you and in Someone far greater than us

There will always be the three of us

We can do everything, anything...

And so we braved the storm and we did triumph over it

The scene again shifted, the path was again flower-strewn

Beyond the horizon was the imagery of The Face we long to see

Ever gentle, serene and brimming with love

Beckoning us to go after Him

We exchanged looks and smiles for we knew

He is our Purpose, our Goal

Still hand in hand, we continued our journey

Knowing that our friendship is not just about you or me

But it is also about the two of us - two different individuals

Bound by our shared lives

Lives focused on only one direction - on God

And on God alone.

I Thank God For You

Whenever I think of God's blessings to me

You are always one of those who are on top of my list
For you are one of God's precious gifts to me
True friends are rare and hard to find
Thus, I feel so richly blessed that I have you
And so whenever you cross my mind
Which happens not only often but very often
I thank God profusely for He has given me
The gift of a true friend in you
I know I cannot thank Him enough
For you are too precious that words fail
To give justice to my gratitude
So I will stop here
And let my thanks transcend beyond this post
And the words written in here
May you feel my gratitude for and to you
In my personal correspondence with you
Know that whenever I give thanks to God,
I also think of and thank Him for you.

Of letting people be...

How come we always put restrictions on other people simply because these restrictions have been somehow imposed on ourselves? We very well know that we have no right. And yet, we keep on expecting people to be like us, to do exactly the same things we do. We keep on hoping they would change for us, to live their lives like we do ours. Or at least try to.

When I was in college, I had a friend who was my sounding board. Almost every week, I would see her and tell her my frustrations - about how a groupmate could not be depended on because her research always came out sloppy... About how I got mad at another friend because she was late and the always punctual me waited for a long time... I would nag this sounding-board friend about how most people could not understand me. And I too could not understand them. I would wonder how they could allow themselves to be careless. Or to not choose to be reliable and dependable... how they could allow mediocrity to rule their lives thus leaving people like me no choice but to make up for their ineptness.

One day, after an especially frustrating day for me, my friend gave me the answer to all my questions. And more. She simply said, "Because they are not you, Lai."

Struck, I just stared at my friend. "I am not going to say anything anymore," she said. "Just ponder on those words."

Later, alone in the confines of my room, I got my pen and my journal. I wanted to write. I badly needed to write. I needed answers. But nothing came to mind. And my friend's words kept playing inside my head.

Because they are not you... Because they are not you... Because they are not you... because they are not you...

I knew I wasn't confused. I knew exactly what my friend meant. I was just in denial - for so long a time. Pondering on her words, something I read once also came back to mind. "Great athletes make lousy coaches."

Admittedly, I had it easy all my life. I remember acing quizzes and exams even when I did not study hard. I excelled in almost anything. I was what they say the perennial achiever. Having shown such abilities, I thus lived a life of expectations. I grew up with an acute sense of people always expecting me to succeed in any endeavor I take... And I imposed the same expectations on people I came across with.

I would think: If I can be on time, why can't she be? If I can make my research or papers detailed, how come hers are not? Why can't they be as meticulous? How come I am always the one who is expected to do this and that?

The answer? It's all on the I. The Me. And the mine... I am me. And s/he is the person that s/he is.

And in some endeavors, it is me who does the work because I can. And s/he cannot.

Can I sing well? I cannot. Can I solve complicated Math problems? I cannot. Can I dance or act or paint? I cannot. And the list goes on and on...

Each one has his or her level. Thus I should not make them perform on my level. Each one has his and her own personality. And I have mine. And this personality makes us who we are. It defines our differences. And it is these differences that make us unique from others.

Lastly, each person is his and her own self. Thus I have no right to change a person just as no one has the right to make me conform to the person that they want or expect me to be.

And so, just as I yearn for people to let me be, I give them the same freedom to be themselves.

photo credit

The Gift of Your Love

I used to think that unconditional love

Certainly does not exist

"Who can selflessly give such love?" I scoffed...

But then you came along and showed me

That indeed, unconditional love is living

In those who draw such love

From God who is love Himself...

To love is by being love ourselves

We are to be love's essence, its embodiment

It is totality -

We either give our best

And our all to the one we love

Or we give nothing at all...

We are to love the person as a whole

Along with her weaknesses and failures

For when we love only the good in her

It is not love but just plain admiration...

But love does not end in our seeing through

Our loved one's human misgivings

For real love is that which helps motivate

Our loved one to rise above her limitations...

I want to thank you for the love

You unselfishly give to us

You just don't know how life-changing

How motivational and inspiring

The gift of your love can be.

A Friendship Beyond Time and Distance

When was the last time we saw each other?

I cannot remember the exact date.

How many miles are you away from me?

I do not know.

Mountains and oceans and seas

And numerous countries are between us

But they do not matter because we know we are friends

And that is all we need to know

To continue caring for each other.

True friendship is that which is beyond time

Time does not cause a friendship’s downfall

But it does deepen it.

True friendship is also that which is beyond distance

We are apart, yes, but only physically

For in our minds and more so in our hearts

We keep each other and the memories that we have shared.

Our prayers go where the two of us cannot go

And so even if we cannot be together

We know that we reach each other through our prayers.

Hearts never cease to talk, they communicate for us

Time and distance are therefore not against us.

Come what may, my friend, I know our friendship stands

For it is not just a plain friendship that we share

But a true and endless one.

============

written in 2003 for a friend who went to Europe.

photo credit

For Bonita

Whenever I'm confused

And nothing seems right
Or everything is just
Too good to be true
I just turn to you
And the confusion and doubts
And those endless, nagging questions
Then become words of assurance and comfort
And wonderful feelings of empathy and hope.

Whenever the day seems
As dark as the night
You would just look into my eyes
And smile at me
And I would know right then
That everything will be all right.

Whenever I think I'm weak
And can not win over life's challenges
You would just pat my shoulder
And I would know right then
That I can go on and succeed
And that I am worth more
Than what I had thought.

I may not know
What lies ahead of me
But one thing I know of
Is the fact that with you around
I need not be afraid
For you are my guiding light
That spells of faith and hope and love
Life's a wonderful, meaningful journey
Because I journey through it
Alongside of you.

photo credit

God's Presence in You

I feel God in the friendship that we share

His joy echoes in our laughter

The warmth of His love is in your eyes

His compassion is reached out to us

Through your empathetic nature

And the ways with which you show your care

His wisdom reflects in your good counsel

Your openness mirrors His own

His generosity is in your selfless giving

And in the profound sharing of your self...

Friends are heaven-sent angels

The real-life ones who make life sweeter,

Our days brighter and our selves better

They mirror God and extend Him to others

Like the way you make Him more known to me

You give inspiration by being what you are -

A friend in Christ and the same friend

Who continuously makes my life more meaningful

Because of the personal touch you put in it.

photo credit

For my Beloved Friend

You have told me a lot of times that love is a gift... and I have believed you. You are a gift to me, a very precious one for to me, you are love – the very person who, being love, gives me love in its purest and sweetest form.

Love is truth. Truth, bliss. In loving each other, life is at its most colorful... in its happiest... in its peak. A simple thing is made special because the two of us share it.

Love is freedom - the beauty grasped in the conviction that when we are together, each can be just her true self, with no masks or protective barriers for we know that each is accepted and loved by the other for who and what that self really is. We have differences, yes, but these differences more so deepen our understanding of and our love for each other.

Love is growth. Each of us allows ourselves the space to grow continuously as we deepen our friendship. You grow, I grow. One wonderful thing though about our growth is that we can grow individually without drifting apart from each other.

Love is totality. We either give the best in us and give our all or give nothing at all. Love is also totality in the sense that when we love, we love the person as a whole, along with her human failures. We do not love each other only for our good attributes for if we do that, we are not loving but just admiring.

Love is blind, the cliché goes but ours is not. We see our faults and weaknesses but we choose to see beyond those. We do not dwell on our imperfections. No one is perfect, anyway. Our weaknesses are known to and accepted us part of each other but when you motivate me to know and face my weaknesses, you actually are giving me the strength to overcome those same weaknesses and the inspiration to rise above my human limitations. Motivate is the operative word - gentle and nurturing. We also motivate each other to change for the better, possibly to become the best that each can be. Again, motivate, not force, is the word - gentle and nurturing, as we are to each other.

Love is being. That’s the utmost lesson your good heart taught me. We are to be love incarnate. We are to be its essence, its epitome. We cannot love without being love ourselves.

Love is a mystery... Too deep to fathom and too powerful a word to be fully defined. It is beyond reason. Countless times have I wondered as I do now of how we became friends or when everything had started. I have come up not with answers but with even more questions to answer. For instance, was it you who initiated our friendship? I used to evade you like the plague, having heard many negative things about you, even having witnessed myself your moodiness. How come we became friends, really good friends? Is there such a thing as a destined friendship? I have asked myself those nagging questions a lot of times. I have pondered... and mused... but I have gotten only splitting headaches. It is until now that I learned this: There are things in life that are beyond reason. Ponder not for even the most intellectual and genius of us will never really fathom the wonders that only God knows of. Just let some things be what they are – puzzles and mysteries. And since our friendship is such, I will leave it at that.

Love is what you continuously share with me. Not just any love but a true, life-changing one. And so now, I want to thank you, my beloved friend – thank you for making me see things at a different perspective. Thank you for making me live my life as I have never lived it. Most of all, thank you for your love.

From my heart, thank you.

photo credit

Till You Came Along

I never thought I needed someone
Till you came along
I’ve always thought I’m better off alone
Till you showed me otherwise
I never thought that shielding myself from hurt
Is for myself to become an even greater loser
Till you taught me that living and loving
Is about taking risks
I want to always come out strong but you showed me
That it is sometimes okay to be vulnerable and that
It is even better to show this vulnerability to someone
Because then someone would be strong for me
Life has never been the same
Since you came into my life
You make me feel proud yet humbled
For the person that I am
With you, I don’t need to be always lovable
Or always at my best because you understand
And accept me as I am
With you, I also come to surpass own myself
And go beyond my self-sufficiency
Because you inspire me to do better
Be greater, love more and give more...
It never occurred to me that being loved
And having someone to love are the best things
That can ever happen to anyone
Till you came along.

Cheer Up

I know things have not been easy
For you these past days
You are going through a tough time
And you just can’t help but feel down
But my friend do remember
That the world has its ups and downs
And so when tough times come
Face it courageously
Be strong because I know
You are a person of inner strength
Don’t ever despair, look beyond your troubles
Think of the sunshine after the rain
And of the rainbow after the storm
We may not always see the moon or the sun
But we firmly believe that it’s up there
Just hiding behind the clouds
Cheer up!
You can lose everything
But never ever let yourself lose hope
For it is your hope
That will carry you through your tough times
And never ever also think that you are alone
Because you have me
Now

And always.

A True Friend

She is that person who is sensitive to my needs thus she knows exactly when I need to be alone and when I need someone. She offers me all that she has to offer, no holding back and expecting nothing in return.

When I’m feeling down, she’s there to lift my weary spirits up. Even when many people, even I, have ceased believing in myself, she believes in me still. Her faith in me is amazing, giving me the inspiration and the courage to emerge a winner during trying times.

At times when I have my share of misgivings and others have left me because of them, she stays with me. She’s there to understand without being judgmental. When I need to cry, she offers me her shoulders and doesn’t mind having her shirt drenched with my tears.

A true friend is she who sees right through me. I may fool others with my cheerful facade but she knows when everything’s for real and when it’s not. She knows me so well that when I have forgotten the melody that my heart holds, she can sing it back to me.

She is that person who has seen my worst but knows better than to give up on me. She believes I am not a hopeless case or a lost cause. She helps me get through life and makes me strive to be a better person.

With her, I need not be anyone else other than my own, true self because she accepts and loves me as I am. My worth for her is not measured by what I can give or by what I can do. She doesn’t even measure it in whatever means because for her, I am irreplaceable and my worth immeasurable.

A true friend is rare, true. That is why I feel so lucky to have found you.

My Inspiration

People say a good friend is someone
Who will shelter you from any harm
And you are such to me
But do you know what makes you a better friend?
It is the fact that sometimes,
You do not shelter me but instead
Allow me stumble, fall and be hurt
And it is not because you want me to
But because you know that there are things in life
That I have to experience myself
And learn on my own - sometimes the hard way
And because their are circumstances too
Beyond your or anyone else's control
That are behind those pain and hurt...
Hard times are not that hard
Because throughout each time of confusion or pain,
You are there - the hands to lift me up,
The shoulders to lean on,
The eyes to see me through
And the heart that brings me smiles and love
In times when they matter most...
And after such trying times,
Valuable lessons are learned,
A stronger heart is created in me
And a better person is made.
What I am now
Is hugely because of what you are
And I thank you for being you
And do you know what I'm thinking about right now?
It is that someday,
I may be what you are.

You are my inspiration.

An Angel to me

It is because of people like you
That I believe in angels
For since I came to know you,
I realized
That angels need not have wings
Nor do they have to be in heaven
In today's world we have real-life angels...
People who do not have wings
But with their hands,
Get to reach out to others
And touch many lives
With their empathetic nature
Even with their smiles and the gentlest of touches
And the way they mirror God
In their kind words and deeds.
People who inspire others to give
As these real-life angels generously give
To serve as they constantly and faithfully serve
And to love as they selflessly love
People who are God's instruments
In making joy, beauty, hope and love known
To those whose lives are continuously being touched
By these heaven-sent, real-life angels...
I am one of those whose life
Is continuously being touched
By an angel who is just so true
I can not thank God enough
For His wonderful, precious gift
Of a real-life angel in you.


==========
For the Religious of Mary Immaculate (RMI) Sisters

Unsent Letter to a Friend

Dear __________,

Do you remember those times when you got hurt over family matters and nearly devastated over your failed relationships? You were so hurt that it also pained me to look at your wounded eyes. But you were too proud to cry. And so, together, we pondered over your worries. We traded laughter for tears and fought so hard to forget your pains.

Later, when we got home and we’re alone in our respective rooms, I worried so much about you. I especially worried about the tears you refused to cry. I wished you could let it all out, wished I could make you spill it out...

In the end, I cried for you. It was me who shed the tears you refused to cry. I cried and cried. I cried till I cursed the two of us. Till I cursed all of them.

Why do we always have to exude an aura of strength and dependability? Why does it always have to be us other people run to when they have problems? Why do they always turn to us for answers? Are we such good listeners? Do we dish our really good advice that they just keep coming back to us? Why can’t they see that we do have our own worries to address and monsters to battle with? If we’re such good “advisers,” how come we can’t fix our own problems?

Scrap the idea of being needed by others. It’s high time we address our own needs.

But darn! Why are we so proud to admit that we do have needs?

================

written when I was maybe 18. This was unfinished so I wasn’t able to send it out. I just saw it in my college notebook while I was organizing my things and since I still have the same questions, I decided to post it here.

Photo taken from here.

luna

i.
pitch black sky
almost starless
cold wind
seeping
even to the bones
chilling
taunting
casting shadows
of loneliness and pain
over one
forsaken being
staring up the sky
yet unseeing
lost in jumbled thoughts
and amidst
life's chaos.


ii.
a moon
gradually emerging
through the clouds
gently bringing forth
its light
over one forsaken being
rousing her
from a concocted
and self-made
world of drudgeries
and of her
being forsaken.


iii.
she was, is and never
will be alone
nor forsaken
for God is always
looking after her
and there are
God-sent people
in her life
who love her
as she is
the very same people
who also
believe in her.


iv.
relief, joy and hope
sweet and tantalizing
sweep over her
the world is good
life is good
everything is good
including her.


v.
i am that being
and you are that moon
of beauty
of hope
and of my life.


vi.
thank you...
for illuminating my life
throughout those dark
and trying times.


vii.
thank you.

===============
written during my teen years, maybe when I was 15 to 17.

You are God's Gift to Me

Who would have thought

That we would become friends

Who would have thought

That our differences would not

Set us apart from each other

But instead bind us

Closer than we could have imagined

And teach us that to love

Is to accept each other as each one is.

Who would have thought of all those

But God...

To have a friend is to be one

And you showed me what it is like

To be and to have a friend

Thus, whenever I think of you,

I thank God for His gift of you to me

Oh, how I cherish the thought

Of the time when He carefully

And lovingly planned the time

When our paths would cross

For that was the moment

When He thought of giving me

One of life's sweetest blessings -

YOU as my friend.

Standpoint

I believe in the beauty of all creation
In the goodness in each person
And in the wonders and mysteries of life and of living
I believe in lasting friendship
In love and in bonds
That tie hearts together
I believe in differences and contrasts
But I also believe that empathy and understanding
Bridge differences and that contrasts
Often complement two opposite individuals
I believe in sunshine after the rain
In lessons learned after moments of sorrow and pain
And in joy felt
Even in suffering and in sacrificing
I believe in the magic of believing
In the power of hoping and in cherishing dreams
And in striving to reach those dreams
I believe in God and in His greatness
In His goodness and in His constant love
I believe in His presence
For I see and feel Him working in you
And I believe He is looking after me
When He gave me the precious gift
Of a wonderful friend in you.