Sunday, May 31, 2009

When I Leave

One of the best gifts God gave me is you
And I am really grateful to Him for that
The times I have spent with you
Are the best of times and even if
I want those times to last forever,
We have always known that the time will come
When we have to part ways…
That time is now and even if it pains me to leave,
We both know that I have to
Life is a cycle of hello and goodbyes
I say goodbye but know that my leaving
Does not mean that I care for you no more
Or I love you less…
When I leave, be sad not but smile
Bask in the wonderful truth that though
The season of our being together has passed,
Our friendship continues because our friendship
Knows no season, only eternity…
I will surely miss you but wherever I go,
Whenever and whatever,
I know exactly where to look for you
To find you, I only have to look inside my heart
And I will see you
Prominently cherished in there
And just a heartbeat away…
As long as we let each other live in our hearts,
That is where each one stays –
Even forever.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


i listened
as your
rehearsed speech
became endless
i heard the denials
and lame excuses
but was careful
to hide the dispassion
from showing
in my face
i stifled a smirk
when panic
laced your voice
and despair
brought you
over the edge
seeing me unaffected
you expertly
switched tactics
and started to say
you're sorry
while pleading
for another chance --
your nth chance...
i felt so tired
and hurt
and the more
you talked,
the longer
your speech went,
the colder
my heart
had become.

photo credit

Monday, May 18, 2009

Little Girl Lost

photo credit

For eight years, I was the apple of the eye of each family member. My relatives doted on me and they catered to my every whim. I was a brat and loved every minute of it. Then my youngest brother came and little pampered me was relegated to the sidelines. Or so the child in me thought.

I resented my brother at first. I hated the way the family would gather around him and exclaim how cute he was and how adorable. Didn’t I use to be all those and more?

When my brother was nearly a year old and I was about nine, something happened that changed my life forever. Mommy promised that she would take me shopping. I was ecstatic! Finally, bonding time for us! And her time just for me!

On that promised day though, my brother got sick so mommy said we had to first make a stop at the doctor’s clinic. Mommy, my baby brother, the nanny and I then went to Kalibo but since we did not have an appointment, we had to wait. The waiting took more than an hour and when it was nearly twelve noon, I became impatient and annoyed. In my most bratty manner, I came up to my mom and demanded that we go shopping.

“Mom, you promised,” I implored. My mom was trying to pacify me. “Later, honey,” she said. “This won’t take long. Your brother has to be checked by the doctor.”

“There’s the nanny,” I pointed out but my mom shook her head.

I did not know what made me flared up then. Maybe I was hungry. Or I got tired of waiting. Or I was just sick of having a brother who usurped what I thought was my rightful place.

“You shouldn’t make promises you couldn’t keep,” I accused, my eyes shooting sparks. And I said this in the loudest of voices too. “I wish I were home,” I added petulantly. “If I knew we’d come to this, I shouldn’t have come with you.”

Mommy, who was usually patient, then flared up too. “You’re being selfish. Your brother’s sick and all you think about is yourself? If you wish you weren’t here, then I wish too that you weren’t!”

Stung, my pride torn to shreds, I haughtily squared my shoulders then walked out on my mom. “Fine. I’ll go. Don’t bother looking for me. I don’t need you and I hate you.”

And off I went, complete with some stomping of my feet and clenching of fists.

Ten meters from the clinic, I stopped. In my stubborn, proud but hopeful heart, I waited for my mom to go after me.

I stood there but she did not come. The two minutes I spent waiting was like eternity, with each second more painful than the one before it. I remember crying then angrily wiping my tears with clenched fists.

Then I forced myself to move. And started walking aimlessly.

I later found myself in Kalibo’s town plaza. And that’s when it happened. In the park were a lot of people but my attention was drawn to two children. The girl was almost my age and the boy was maybe about two. They were begging for alms and when they came to a couple on a bench a couple of meters from where I was, the couple gave them a sandwich. As the children walked off, I watched in fascination as the elder sister halved the bread and gave the bigger portion to her brother.

Stunned, that’s when I realized just how selfish and bratty I had been.

Buoyed by what I just witnessed, I stood up and made my way back to the clinic.

A block away from the plaza, I bumped into my mom and that’s when another realization hit me – I’m loved! Of course I am! As we stood there, both of us were crying. Mommy was saying sorry for losing her temper on me. She said she and the nanny weren’t able to follow me because just after I walked out the door, their turn came. I just smiled and said sorry too for being selfish. When I asked where my brother was, she said she already sent him home with the nanny while she stayed to look for me. She added she was mindless with worry. The fiercest of hugs was then exchanged.

And so I was a runaway for a couple of hours. But that experience changed my life - my life as a sibling and a daughter. It was my turning point for that’s when I resolved to myself to be the best big sister that I can be.

Just how much of a big sister have I become? Oh, enough to give up my brat throne to my baby brother and lavish him with so much love and protection that sometimes, I end up saving his hide from mom’s scolding. Te he!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Random Thoughts - # 10

Human Limitations

Our perceptions are limited to the extent of what our human senses will allow. Beyond that, there is Someone who knows and understands things and events best and He only has one name -- God.