Our Friendship

Hand in hand, we walked along the winding path of life

The sky was azure in color, the sun was shining brightly down on us

The path was strewn with flowers, the grass a vivid green

Butterflies fluttered, birds sang

Our hearts were filled with smiles and joy

A twist here, a bend there

On and on we went until the scene shifted

The sky became dark, there came a flash of lightning

And a clap of thunder

As the rain started pelting down on us

Outright scared was I

But you held my hand tighter, conveying your message

Of quiet strength and timely comfort

And kindling in me unfailing hope and the faith

In myself, in you and in Someone far greater than us

There will always be the three of us

We can do everything, anything...

And so we braved the storm and we did triumph over it

The scene again shifted, the path was again flower-strewn

Beyond the horizon was the imagery of The Face we long to see

Ever gentle, serene and brimming with love

Beckoning us to go after Him

We exchanged looks and smiles for we knew

He is our Purpose, our Goal

Still hand in hand, we continued our journey

Knowing that our friendship is not just about you or me

But it is also about the two of us - two different individuals

Bound by our shared lives

Lives focused on only one direction - on God

And on God alone.

heart talk

heart,

be still

be strong

never for once

doubt your resilience

never mind that

you've been fooled not once

but thrice

or have loved and lost

a couple of times

gather strength

from your memory

of picking up

your broken pieces

and enduring

the pain of having

each broken shard,

each jagged edge

and becoming stronger

because of them

remember

how you painstakingly

put together each piece

while learning to let go

look back on the time

when in the brink

of a breakdown,

you rallied admirably

and moved on

with rare grace...

never fear

to love again

or hold back

just because

love stung you

just stay strong

and continue loving

till it hurts

no more.

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Scar(R)ed No More

I have this perennial fear of failing. For as long as I can remember, I have always been afraid to fail not just myself but other people as well, especially my loved ones.

I know there are times when failing is inevitable. It is simply a part of life. Reality would not have been clearly delineated if we do not experience failure at some points of our lives. But what I really fear is the disappointment my failure would cause to anyone. It pains me to be disappointed by the people I believe in and so I try so hard, do my best, to live up to their expectations, no matter how high these expectations are. Or sometimes, how silly.

When I was in high school, one of my life’s utmost humiliations transpired. You see, I was a consistent honor student since my nursery years. I always did well in school, even excelled in almost all my subjects, except Math. I always belonged to the top section but this was only until my 3rd year in high school as in my senior year, I was put in section 2. I was aghast. Mad, even. Mad is actually an understatement as in a phase of raging hormones and blatant rebellion, hate prevailed. I hated the school’s system. And some teachers, especially the principal. I hated some classmates. Hated almost everyone, even my family. But most of all, I hated myself. I hated and blamed myself for letting a lot of people down. For letting myself down.

The event left me scarred. And scared. Of failing. Of it happening again. Of disappointing people. And then hating and blaming myself for it. From then on, I did my damnedest to always excel in everything. If prior to the incident I was already an achiever, after it, I was more so it was scary as I seemed to be obsessed with always coming out a winner in each and every event I allowed myself to participate in. Allowed being the operative word as from then on, I took only calculated risks. I was so hellbent on achieving success that if there were what they call the cream of the crop, I wanted to be the cream of the cream of the crop.

Looking deep down into myself, I realized that aside from not wanting to disappoint my loved ones, I fear failure because I equated success with people’s capacity for love. I thought that if I fail, my loved ones will love me less. Or that my peers will not like me just as much. Such utterly stupid rationale. Because for these past years, no matter how many times I have been let down by my loved ones, I love them just the same. I even love them more in their times of failure as in those times, they are in utmost need of love. Of the reassurance that their worth does not diminish when life deals them with one of its blows. That they are loved and accepted as they are, no matter what, come what may.

Disappointments and failure do hurt. But in the past years, I learned that like failure, disappointment is as much a part of our lives as breathing. That for each endeavor we take, there is the possibility of failing and feelings of disappointment are just but natural reaction to it. Life is a gamble and if we do not make the first move of taking the risk, we cannot win.

I am no longer bound by failure’s ties. I expunge any fear I have of it. It may have left its scars on me but the scars are gradually healing.

I am also no longer scared. I am now free. From this point on, I will allow myself the total freedom to stumble once in a while. Each experience has its lessons for us and in some cases, failure is often the best teacher.

I embrace any possibility of failure. For I am scarred with and scared of it no more.

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