Home Alone this Christmas

It's the 25th of December. Christmas time. As a child, I used to look forward to Christmas with unabashed glee. It was a magical time for me and it is not because I get to receive gifts but because I get to be with my family. It’s my dad’s birthday too so most of our relatives and all our neighbors and friends are invited to a lunch at home. Having grown up in a closely knitted family, I cherished Christmas reunions and consider it one of the most important events of my young life.

In college, I had to go to Manila for my college education but the moment our Christmas break was announced, I’d buy my tickets and spend as much time in my hometown as I could.

It was after college when I started to work that I started to get lonely during Christmas. The moment the –ber months struck, what used to be a fun countdown to me became a countdown where I dread December 25 to transpire. Why? Because it’s been three years that I haven’t gone home in Aklan to celebrate this special day with my family.

I thought I would have gotten used to it by now but yesterday, coming home to an empty apartment after a wonderful holiday vacation trip to Baguio, the feelings of loneliness settled in. I thought of what my days would be like if only I were at home. There, on the eve of December 24, we would have gone for a mass. Noche Buena’s not practiced in Aklan so after the mass, we slept but we would have woken up at the dawn of December 25 to do the necessary preparations. The youngsters at home would flock in our sala and get their gifts under the Christmas tree. They would also demand for their socks filled with candies, sweets and other goodies from Santa. The entire day would then be spent entertaining guests, eating and drinking, giving goodies and mingling with relatives and friends.

My Christmas this year is as dull as my past Christmases. Oh, it’s fun at some points, what with our company Christmas parties and with seeing friends but December 24 and 25 are very lonely days for me and all because I am alone. I have actually been invited to spend Christmas with my friends and their families but I declined because I do not want to be with them and their family and be reminded of what I am missing.

So today, I am doing nothing but engage in DVD marathons and stay online. It keeps me occupied. It’s a lousy way to spend Christmas, I know but this is better than going out in malls or anywhere else and instead of seeing brightly colored Christmas decors, see myself reflected alone and yearning for my family in the eyes of gleeful children and beaming parents.