Bittersweet

The flavor of my youth is bittersweet. Its joys, pains, adventures, trials, conquests and awakenings will never be forgotten.

Youth was that time when I first felt my heart flutter like a butterfly in flight. It was a feeling which I mistook for love and so it was at this stage in my life when I learned that love isn't about getting all gooey inside and giddy on the outside but is more a commitment than a feeling.

True love knocked on my door all right but I was too young then to take things seriously. In my youth, I learned to lose someone I should have kept and cherished.

Youth was a time of friendship. Of opening myself to someone and sharing laughter and tears. It was also a time of secrets betrayed and trusts broken. Most girls were just too chatty, I learned, and some could be mean without even trying.

Youth was that time too when I wanted to be independent but my parents thought I was rushing things up. The time when I desperately wanted to be free but got bound by my parents' rules. It was that time when reasoning with them could be (mis)construed as talking and fighting back and was deemed being disrespectful when all I really wanted was to be heard.

Youth was that time when I wanted to define myself only to find things that I did not like about me. Of looking for my identity but ending up trying to be like everybody else to fit in.

Youth was basking in the truth that I was misunderstood even when I really wasn't. It gave me the "license" to be angst-ridden no doubt fueled by my passion for the songs of Alanis, Gin Blossoms, The Cranberries, Nirvana and Oasis. I even thought their songs are about and for me. Ha!

Youth was knowing who I was and what I was capable of. And wasn't. It was standing at the crossroads of my life and knowing full well that whatever choice I would make would define the person that I would become.

In my youth, I was confronted with harsh realities and bitter truths. Rude awakenings were bitter pills to swallow but these eventually made me feel better about myself and the world.