Life is too short...

Life is too short for me to live it recklessly, thoughtlessly or wastefully. Thus, in each and every day of my life, I find numerous reasons to live life meaningfully and to its full extent.

Life is too short for me to procrastinate. When an opportunity comes knocking on my door, I embrace it if it is worth embracing. As much as possible, I do not leave any word unsaid or deed undone.

Life is too short for me to live it regretting my wrongdoings. The past is over and done with and so I must not dwell on but learn from it. What matters is the gift of the present, the hope of the future.

Life is too short for me to live it in sorrow, bitterness or anger. Happiness is a choice. I grieve when necessary but knowing that the world will never stop for my grief, I move on. Anger is self-destructive. It shortens one’s life span.

Life is too short to take short cuts. I live each day feeling each emotion fully and savoring each experience passionately no matter how mundane it may seem. It is what I do with it that makes each experience extraordinary.

Life is too short to hasten its pace. Thus, I let things run their natural course. Forcing things to happen destroys the very existence of surprises. There is beauty in the spontaneity of things. Patience pays.

Life is too short and so I make the most of it.

warlock(ed)

i thought it is witches

who cast spells

what have you done to me then?

you got me

with your looks...

but you snared my heart

with your attitude.

what's on your mind?

tell me.

are you reading my mind now?

thoughts of you...

pieces of you...

all commune with the part of me

that's confused.

validate my existence

will you please?

make me believe again

in something good...

never mind

that it involves

the deep, dark side

of human nature.

break not this spell

i'm in.

break

the uncertainty in me.

just break

not

my heart.

Cheer Up

I know things have not been easy
For you these past days
You are going through a tough time
And you just can’t help but feel down
But my friend do remember
That the world has its ups and downs
And so when tough times come
Face it courageously
Be strong because I know
You are a person of inner strength
Don’t ever despair, look beyond your troubles
Think of the sunshine after the rain
And of the rainbow after the storm
We may not always see the moon or the sun
But we firmly believe that it’s up there
Just hiding behind the clouds
Cheer up!
You can lose everything
But never ever let yourself lose hope
For it is your hope
That will carry you through your tough times
And never ever also think that you are alone
Because you have me
Now

And always.

A True Friend

She is that person who is sensitive to my needs thus she knows exactly when I need to be alone and when I need someone. She offers me all that she has to offer, no holding back and expecting nothing in return.

When I’m feeling down, she’s there to lift my weary spirits up. Even when many people, even I, have ceased believing in myself, she believes in me still. Her faith in me is amazing, giving me the inspiration and the courage to emerge a winner during trying times.

At times when I have my share of misgivings and others have left me because of them, she stays with me. She’s there to understand without being judgmental. When I need to cry, she offers me her shoulders and doesn’t mind having her shirt drenched with my tears.

A true friend is she who sees right through me. I may fool others with my cheerful facade but she knows when everything’s for real and when it’s not. She knows me so well that when I have forgotten the melody that my heart holds, she can sing it back to me.

She is that person who has seen my worst but knows better than to give up on me. She believes I am not a hopeless case or a lost cause. She helps me get through life and makes me strive to be a better person.

With her, I need not be anyone else other than my own, true self because she accepts and loves me as I am. My worth for her is not measured by what I can give or by what I can do. She doesn’t even measure it in whatever means because for her, I am irreplaceable and my worth immeasurable.

A true friend is rare, true. That is why I feel so lucky to have found you.

walking wounded

buildings and skyscrapers
as high as my dreams
crisscrossing streets
as chaotic as my wayward thoughts
blinding lights from cars
admonishing me to slow down...

where am i going?

i walk aimlessly
as my mother's parting words
keep playing inside my head
"what does a man gain
if he loses his soul?"

it's a dog-eat-dog world i'm in
but i made it.

i'm successful.
self-made.
an enviable career woman.

but what do all these entail?

spending christmas alone.
missing family reunions
not being able to attend birthdays, weddings
and other memorable events
in the lives of my loved ones.

suddenly i feel so lonely.

and i walk not
but trudge home.

home?

where is home?

is it the four corners of my apartment
with its balcony with a view of the city
and its modern comforts?

it's not.

and so i find myself missing my room
in the house i grew up in...

i miss my mom
and my dad
and my siblings
fiercely.

i miss home.


===============
written in December 2006 while I was still working in my former company. This was when I felt all burned-out. And stressed. Two weeks after I wrote this, I tendered my resignation, packed my bags and went home in our province. Home sweet home.

Teach Me, Jesus

Teach me, Jesus

To love as you have loved
And to love still even when it hurts
To obey the Father as you have obeyed Him
And to obey Him still even when
My own will clashes against His
To give generously and to give more
Even when I barely have enough for myself
And to give still even when I have nothing
To be trusting and faithful to the Father
And to be more so when trials arise
To gladly embrace the cross and share in your sufferings
And to offer to others the same consolation
That you have been offering me all these times
To be more like you
And less like my proud, fickle self...

My Lord and my God, I surrender.

risk

should I put my heart
in the line for you
even when I know
that when I do
i will risk
breaking it,
hardening it
or subjecting it
to ecstatic heights?

breaking it
will be your doing
so be very careful
with it...

please.

hardening it
will be my doing
because I can
make a fortress
of my heart
blocking anyone
who wishes to enter.

subjecting it
to ecstatic heights
will be our doing -
heightened passion
ensconced
in tumultuous
albeit
blissful
love.

but can I really
let myself wade
into love’s waters
even when I know
that there is still
the possibility
of having
my heart
broken?

love’s a risk
and we really
can’t win over it
if we won’t
even make
the first step
of letting
ourselves go.

My Inspiration

People say a good friend is someone
Who will shelter you from any harm
And you are such to me
But do you know what makes you a better friend?
It is the fact that sometimes,
You do not shelter me but instead
Allow me stumble, fall and be hurt
And it is not because you want me to
But because you know that there are things in life
That I have to experience myself
And learn on my own - sometimes the hard way
And because their are circumstances too
Beyond your or anyone else's control
That are behind those pain and hurt...
Hard times are not that hard
Because throughout each time of confusion or pain,
You are there - the hands to lift me up,
The shoulders to lean on,
The eyes to see me through
And the heart that brings me smiles and love
In times when they matter most...
And after such trying times,
Valuable lessons are learned,
A stronger heart is created in me
And a better person is made.
What I am now
Is hugely because of what you are
And I thank you for being you
And do you know what I'm thinking about right now?
It is that someday,
I may be what you are.

You are my inspiration.

An Angel to me

It is because of people like you
That I believe in angels
For since I came to know you,
I realized
That angels need not have wings
Nor do they have to be in heaven
In today's world we have real-life angels...
People who do not have wings
But with their hands,
Get to reach out to others
And touch many lives
With their empathetic nature
Even with their smiles and the gentlest of touches
And the way they mirror God
In their kind words and deeds.
People who inspire others to give
As these real-life angels generously give
To serve as they constantly and faithfully serve
And to love as they selflessly love
People who are God's instruments
In making joy, beauty, hope and love known
To those whose lives are continuously being touched
By these heaven-sent, real-life angels...
I am one of those whose life
Is continuously being touched
By an angel who is just so true
I can not thank God enough
For His wonderful, precious gift
Of a real-life angel in you.


==========
For the Religious of Mary Immaculate (RMI) Sisters

Goodbye?

We never really say goodbye to the best things in our lives. What can I say? Memories have a way of haunting us, of making us remember even those that we so want to forget.

Undeniably, you were one of the best things that had ever happened to me. And one of the worst. Life’s just like that sometimes – a paradox. Contradicting.

We started out just fine. Yin & Yang. Soulmates, we teased. We complemented each other, much to our delight for it’s rare that each one of us clicked with another person. We’re kindred souls, was why.

Meant to be? We sure thought so up until that point when we realized that too many similarities could sour a relationship. And our response to the niggling problem was the same too – we were too stubborn and proud to allow ourselves to compromise. “This is what I am even before you met me…” peppered our arguments, this thought and others along the same line echoed by both of us.

I got tired of arguing so I said goodbye and never looked back. A cowardly and totally selfish act, I realized in hindsight for we could have settled things if only we were open to a confrontation, a resolution.

I did not know how I survived. Maybe I am an innate survivor. Or the grandest pretender in the planet.

Have I really moved on? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on what I want to believe, really.

Sometimes, maybe I do have moved on… those times when you don’t occupy my mind. Or command my thoughts. And dreams. Or a certain part of my heart.

Damn.

We never really say goodbye to the best things in our lives.

Unsent Letter to a Friend

Dear __________,

Do you remember those times when you got hurt over family matters and nearly devastated over your failed relationships? You were so hurt that it also pained me to look at your wounded eyes. But you were too proud to cry. And so, together, we pondered over your worries. We traded laughter for tears and fought so hard to forget your pains.

Later, when we got home and we’re alone in our respective rooms, I worried so much about you. I especially worried about the tears you refused to cry. I wished you could let it all out, wished I could make you spill it out...

In the end, I cried for you. It was me who shed the tears you refused to cry. I cried and cried. I cried till I cursed the two of us. Till I cursed all of them.

Why do we always have to exude an aura of strength and dependability? Why does it always have to be us other people run to when they have problems? Why do they always turn to us for answers? Are we such good listeners? Do we dish our really good advice that they just keep coming back to us? Why can’t they see that we do have our own worries to address and monsters to battle with? If we’re such good “advisers,” how come we can’t fix our own problems?

Scrap the idea of being needed by others. It’s high time we address our own needs.

But darn! Why are we so proud to admit that we do have needs?

================

written when I was maybe 18. This was unfinished so I wasn’t able to send it out. I just saw it in my college notebook while I was organizing my things and since I still have the same questions, I decided to post it here.

Photo taken from here.

Middle Child

Growing up, I had difficulty analyzing my place in our home. I was a middle child, you see, and mom wasn’t really clear on how I should behave.

Whenever my older brother and I would quarrel, mommy would step in and tell me to give way for my older brother because he was older.

When my younger brother and I had misunderstandings, it was a different matter altogether. Mommy would pull me aside then tell me to be patient with and more understanding of my little brother because I was older.

Like what? Why couldn’t she tell my older brother to be more understanding of and giving to his little sister? Or tell my younger brother to let his older sister be? It was really contradicting and mind-boggling for a child my age.

Thankfully, that set up did not instill feelings of bitterness in me. I did not rebel but instead became more understanding. I learned to strike a balance among three hyperactive siblings. I was the peacemaker, the mediator in countless childish tantrums and petty quarrels.

I read in a book once that middle children are insecure attention seekers. I googled "Middle Child" as I am doing this blog and came up with a "Middle Child Syndrome." What I found out made me chuckle.

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure.

I admit that in my childhood years, I had these issues. It stopped though the moment I turned ten. By then, I had mastered the art of compromise when it came to my brothers. More importantly, I learned to bask on my individuality. And my brothers' too.

I love what Dr. Robert Needlman wrote in this article. Aptly titled Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place, it delved into the psyche of middle children and detailed their importance not only in the family but in society as well.

Middle children, who are usually smaller than their older siblings while they're growing up, often learn non-aggressive strategies to get what they want, such as negotiation, cooperation, or seeking parental intervention. As the underdogs themselves in many sibling conflicts, middle children often develop a fine sense of empathy with the downtrodden, as do many youngest children. Where first and last children may tend to be self-centered, middle children often take a genuine interest in getting to know other people. Being in the middle, they may find it easier to look at interpersonal situations from various points of view.

But this uncomfortable feeling of not having a defined place in the family may actually turn out to be an advantage. Unlike first children, who often define success by their ability to meet their parents' expectations, middle children are more prone to rebel against the status quo. This observation is the main point of a fascinating book, Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives, by Frank J. Sulloway. The book also argues that birth order--the middle position in particular--is one of the prime forces behind the scientific and social revolutions that drive history forward. I'd wager that most middle children had no idea that they were so important.

I seek not attention but understanding. Not misunderstandings but peace. I may have resented being a middle child when I was too young to fully grasp my significance in our home but now I can only sing praises for being the middle child in the family because if not for it, I wouldn’t be the responsible, understanding and mature adult that I am now.

To sell my soul to have the love of my life?

The above pertains to a question asked in Yahoo Answers. Here's the complete question:

Would you sell your soul in order to have the love of your life?

My answer, detailed below, was chosen as the Best Answer by the asker.

I wouldn't because then it (the act of trading my soul for love) is a very selfish, possessive kind of "love" which in itself is not loving but merely an ownership of another human being.

Also, I can't imagine loving "soullessly" or "being soulless." The soul is credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion. To "be" and to "love" without a soul is futile. And senseless.

The soul is the central or integral part, the vital core of one's being thus to lose it is to lose all as even in the after-life, the soul is that which will bring us either eternal happiness or damnation.

I just edited the capitalization as before, I used to post my answers in the said forum using small letters. Click HERE to view the question's link.

"Lost"

I always have this haunting feeling that I am somehow lost amidst a sea of people who are too immersed in their own worlds and feelings of uppity self-worth to notice that the world does not revolve around them and that other people aside from themselves do exist.

Some (or most) people can be so cold of heart or just plain apathetic. I notice this every day – giggling teens texting or eating while an impoverished child trails behind them begging for alms, a yuppie-looking guy in the MRT not caring to offer his seat to a woman or an elderly or people jostling and even cursing to board the train heedless that they might trample the pregnant, the child or the physically challenged among them. Then, there’s this “new breed” of people who have their earphones permanently glued to their ears, seemingly oblivious to what’s around them as long as they have their music to listen to. There are also those who would rather doze off or pretend to be sleeping to be spared offering their seat to somebody else.

It saddens me that while we claim to have reached the pinnacle of being civilized and modern, our concern to our neighbors is actually dwindling. So are some of our values. Why, one’s lucky to hear an appropriate apology these days or a sincere thank you. Just the other day, a guy collided into me but I didn’t hear a peep of “excuse me” or even a hasty apology from him. More and more people too are forgetting to smile and be generally nice and polite to everyone. There’s this misplaced “mind your own business” business that I find it difficult at times to reach out to others.

Today’s life is too fast-paced that most people are rushing headlong into it without fully enjoying the trip or bothering to accommodate others into their lives. There’s misunderstood “equality.” Chivalry’s dead. I heard one guy in the MRT telling his companion that if men can stand during an MRT trip, women can too. Like whaaat?! Of course we can but the point is that offering his seat to a woman shows a man’s character. Apathy is widespread and so is negative individualism (I call this the “me, myself, mine and I” syndrome).

I know that I am not the only one harboring these thoughts. But maybe, just maybe, I’m the one feeling more lost than others because others have already become accustomed to such. But not I, not now, not ever…for always, in those instances, I’d feel disoriented – being with the crowd but “lost” among them.

wounded

and i can only wonder

at how you have not

succeeded

at breaking my heart

but destroyed it

just the same.